All expats here will agree that moving abroad doesn’t change only your career, routine, or most used language. This life-changing experience turns your love life upside down as well.
When relocating (either for work or for studies), you somehow prepare mentally for all challenges that eventually are going to come your way: new people, dealing with public administration, new responsibilities, and learning a new language.
However, what many expats don’t anticipate is how different dating abroad can feel.
So, here comes the natural question: is dating abroad as an expat harder?
To be honest, the answer really depends on multiple factors and personal preferences. However, finding love abroad doesn’t have to be necessarily difficult, it is just different.
Below, we’re diving into the reasons why!
Why does dating feel different when you live abroad?
Let’s face it! - relocating and living abroad is not only about getting to know new people and meeting locals. Most people don’t realise that it has a way more self-reflective goal of rebuilding your entire identity.
When looking back at themselves, expats usually realise that they are not at all the same person they were when they started this journey.
This is due to the fact that back home, all expats had some cultural and behavioural context. They had friends that introduced them to other people and the dating etiquette and norms, as well as the cultural references, were shared.
Whereas, abroad, we all start from zero, building an entirely new community of people that later on, are going to be called ‘our friends’.
Foreigners usually have to go through the adaptation period - new culture and language, a completely different social system, creating a fresh version of themselves. It’s a process that takes some time!
Considering all this, dating in a foreign country means you’re discovering who you are in this new environment. But not only - it is as well a part of the process of rediscovering your new self and finding people who will understand the new you. As much as it can be exciting and intriguing, sometimes it could also make you feel overwhelmed and exhausted.
This doesn’t necessarily make dating abroad as an expat harder, but just a more patience-requiring adventure.
The loneliness factor no one talks about
If there is one thing you need to know about relocating abroad, it is that during the day living alone abroad can feel pretty empowering, but all of sudden at night, it shifts into an isolating and lonely sensation.
Without your usual social circle, spontaneous plans disappear. Since you are far away from your usual friends, you need to now take ownership of your actions and put way more effort and time into creating connections. Therefore, building a social life as an expat takes a real amount of effort and time, but eventually, in the long run, it is worth it as a very rewarding and enriching life change.
But why can moving abroad feel lonely sometimes? Because of cultural differences, or language barriers? Or the pure sense of nostalgia for your family is the one pulling the strings behind the loneliness?
The factors could be many! Nevertheless, this lonely sensation that foreigners might experience when trying to meet people abroad, is what makes them confuse readiness for love with the simple need for comfort.
Every expat is put in a ‘survival mode’ when figuring out their new life, stepping out of their comfort zone. All this leads to the basic need of compassion and peace of mind, which many seek to find in a new partner abroad.
However, you should ask yourself firstly if this is a real connection that you feel, or is it just comfort you are searching for in an unfamiliar place?
Don’t get the wrong idea though! There is nothing bad with wanting some kind of companionship. However, the experience teaches you that dating from a place of emotional stability feels very different than dating to fill a void.
How do you know which is which? What can you do to fill a void yourself?
Learning to enjoy your own company while living abroad, taking yourself on solo-dates, sightseeing the city (not waiting for other people to invite you out, but being the one organizing) will help immensely. Plus, this self-confidence could be considered as incredibly attractive as well.
Dating locals vs dating expats
Of course, cultural differences and the language barrier are one of the biggest difficulties when it comes to dating abroad.
But what no one talks about is the difference between dating a person who is at home (a local) vs dating another expat.
Dating a local: integration and discovery
To be honest, dating a local will inevitably accelerate your integration into the new country that you decided to move to. As a foreigner, you accelerate your adaptation, learning interesting insights about the culture, the social norms, the dating etiquette, but mostly about the little things the locals do everyday.
Sometimes you might feel a little out of context, like you don’t fit into the group as the only foreigner. This sensation that you need to put way more effort than the other people around you since you are inside a new culture and the others are in their own, could be frustrating.
On the other hand, it makes your experience abroad feel more real and authentic than any other!
Dating another expat: shared experience
On the other hand, dating another expat just like yourself in the same country you moved to often feels immediately comfortable and reassuring as an experience.
Think about it! You share the whole relocation experience, the strong feeling of homesickness (especially in the very first few days), but mostly, all the emotions connected with moving abroad: both the uncertainty and the excitement.
Somehow, you just ‘get’ each other without any detailed explanations - you instantly ‘click’.
However, this inexplicably comforting feeling comes with its price and the tough question: who is staying long-term? That being said, dating an expat abroad could be a double-edged sword. One expat might look at this question as a stop sign, whereas, another - as the final destination.
That is why expat relationships sometimes carry an unspoken timeline, as it depends on what stage of life abroad you’re in.
Why do cultural differences in dating matter more than you think?
Before you ask, yes! Cultural differences in dating can create slight misunderstandings and little tension at first. However, this is what makes this whole love experience even more enriching and exciting.
As mentioned before, language barriers may exist as well, but it is exactly this vulnerability that often creates the strongest emotional bonds. This is due to the fact that both partners are eager to be patient in order to understand each other's point of view: an amazing practice for healthy long-term relationships.
Speaking of cultural differences, dating out of your culture of origin could vary a lot, as each country has its own etiquette.
In some places, people are very direct and expressive in their love relationships, whereas in others dating life and etiquette are quite subtle and slow-paced. Apart from this, behaviours can vary in many ways: from the texting style that couples use around the world, through the expectations that you might get from a conversation, to what should be considered as a ‘date’.
That is the reason why if you interpret cultural differences as a rejection, the frustration wouldn’t be late to the party. However, if you approach it more with curiosity and wonder, it naturally becomes part of the whole adventure.
Considering all this, understanding cultural differences in dating is as important as a skill when living abroad as building up empathy.
Where do expats actually meet people?
You will be surprised that the answer to that question is rarely “just wait and hope”. Connection between people usually happens when you build a social life first.
As we have all been there, here you will find some useful tips on what are the best places to meet someone as an expat:
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Language exchange events
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Meetup groups based on hobbies
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Sports clubs or gyms
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After-work networking events
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Coworking spaces
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Volunteering communities
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Dating apps abroad, which can vary by country (Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are the most used ones)
Take it as an advice from us: instead of concentrating only on dating, focus more on expanding your social circle. Often, love appears naturally within a shared activity or interest.
Does emotional readiness matter when dating as an expat?
As mentioned before, sometimes expats confuse emotional readiness to dive into love with the need of reassurance and comfort.
Another sign of how ready you are for a relationship is noticing what living abroad reveals about the qualities and values you truly want in a partner. This is due to the fact that expats see the world with new eyes, and consequently they start having completely different priorities: emotional stability, independence, or even shared long-term goals.
You can tell you’re emotionally ready to fall in love as an expat if the following questions come naturally to your mind when being in such situation:
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Am I emotionally settled in this country? Am I truly happy here?
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Am I building a life here, or just passing through?
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Am I open to something serious, or just exploring?
Dating abroad will feel healthier and easier when you answer the questions above honestly. Your willingness to date should come from the point of self-awareness rather than pressure.
Keep in mind that your expat journey is already a sign of courage.You don’t need to have everything figured out before opening your heart.
Building real life in a new country, not just a career
One of the biggest cliches about dating life abroad is that it has to always be dramatic or romantic and thrilling like being pulled straight out of a movie.
On the contrary, the reality check shows that love connection as an expat grows pretty slowly, just like adapting to the relocation abroad itself.
Such a relationship requires lots of effort put in it, as well as patience, openness, and mostly emotional honesty. Sometimes you’ll feel unsure. Sometimes you’ll miscommunicate. However, it is important to remember that vulnerability builds connection far faster than perfection.
A reminder: you didn’t move abroad only to build a career. You moved to build a life.
Dating as an expat is more about discovering what fits the new version of yourself rather than replacing what you left behind.
In the end, maybe dating abroad isn’t that hard. It just asks a bit more patience from you to grow first. So, are you ready to date?
