How To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work Part 2: 6 Best Tips for Those Left Behind

How To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work Part 2: 6 Best Tips for Those Left Behind

In Part 1, we shared long distance relationship advice for expats - aka the ones who moved away. To follow up on that, Part 2 will include tips for those left behind. Enjoy!

 

Every coin has two sides. A long distance relationship does, too. Usually, the focus is placed upon the person moving away, but we know the one staying is equally important. Both sides are going through their own difficulties and face different problems coming with one of them leaving. In a way, one could argue that the person staying behind is in a worse position. The change was not initiated by them, and while the other newly-made expat can indulge themselves in a new city, new job, and new people, they are still living the same life as before - just with someone they love physically missing from it. 

 

We totally understand your struggles. This is why we have prepared 6 helpful tips for all those left behind about how to accept and maintain a long distance relationship you didn’t see coming. 


 

  1. Don’t assume that the person leaving means they don’t care about you.

 

We are all different. Some of us like changes and prefer our lives to be more dynamic, others would be happy never having to move. Opposites attract, so more often than not, someone close to you - either a friend or a family member or a partner - will be one of the restless ones. 

 

Seeing the world through somebody else’s eyes can be challenging. We know that. But understanding is the first step to making a long distance relationship work. You shouldn’t feel like you’re not enough if somebody you love is moving away. This is simply who they are - it does not mean you’re not important to them. 

 

Look at it that way: if somebody is leaving, it means they believe in you enough to be certain you can maintain a long distance relationship. It’s not that they don’t care - they care so much, they have no doubts your bond is going to make it. 

 

  1. Don’t hide your feelings

 

Mind reading is a handy skill. Sadly, regular people don’t have it. That means that whatever you’re feeling or thinking, you need to share it. 

 

Communication is the basis of a long distance relationship. Any relationship, really, but especially when you’re far away from one another. In case of any doubts, no matter how silly they are, talk them out with your friend/partner/family member. Whether you’re worried they will forget about you, their new job abroad is consuming them, or you simply don’t feel like they’re dedicating enough time to you - just say it. 

 

They won’t be mad. If anything, they will appreciate your honesty and be glad you opened their eyes to something they probably even hadn’t been aware of before. If you want to make a long distance relationship work, you can’t keep things in. The more you build up inside yourself, the more your frustration will grow, which will have a negative impact on your long distance relationship.



 

  1. Give them (and yourself!) space

 

The initial stages of a long distance relationship can be quite awkward. Both sides will feel the pressure to stay in touch 24/7, keeping one another updated about every single thing going on in their lives. This is completely natural, but it is also important to not take it a bit too far. 

 

Yes, they still love you. But do keep in mind they have also moved to a completely new country - a process that involves a lot of work, both before and after arrival. Over the first few weeks, when the side effects of a long distance relationship are hitting both of you the hardest, they will have a lot of appointments to go to. On top of starting a completely new job in a completely new country, moving into a new flat, meeting new people, there will be a lot of legal issues that need to be dealt with as soon as possible. 

 

This can be a bit overwhelming, so don’t get discouraged if they fail to respond to your message within 2 minutes of receiving it. Maybe they’re on their way to a bank appointment, maybe they’re trying hard to figure out the bus routes, or are simply in a meeting with their new boss. 

 

Of course, don’t put up with them ignoring you completely for days on end. Long distance relationship shouldn’t mean no relationship. Feel free to call them out when they’re swept too far away by their new life circumstances, but do have a little bit of patience. 


 

  1. Don’t assume they no longer have time for you

 

Another extreme people involved in long distance relationships often go to is the opposite of the previous point. Instead of sending a life update every 5 minutes, they decide not to send anything at all and wait for the other side to reach out first, worried they might not have the time. 

 

Yes, the first few weeks are busy. But imagine how you’d feel if you were the one moving away and did not hear a word from someone back home. Even if your intentions are good and you simply believe they need space, it can not be perceived that way. Trying to maintain a long distance relationship through little to no contact is not the way to go. 

 

The solution to find a balance is to find a routine, agreed upon on both sides. Maybe both of you will know that the other one is available in the evening, and that will be when you talk about your day. Perhaps your daily schedule is more relaxed and you’re able to exchange messages throughout the day, feeling like the other one is always there. Find a way that works for the both of you and get used to it. Long distance relationship is all about balance, so don’t be afraid to change up your method if the previous one doesn’t work. Again, going back to tip number 2 - communication is key, so don’t hesitate to talk about what you do and don’t like about your way of maintaining a long distance relationship.

  1. Don’t put your life on hold

 

When somebody you care about leaves, it feels like they have taken a part of you with them. Sadly, that is one part we haven’t found a solution for yet. If you have any tips of how to deal with missing someone, let us know in the comments below! 

 

Either way, putting your entire life on hold is only going to make matters worse. Continue working on your hobbies. Go to work every day. Meet up with other friends. Sticking to your regular routine will help take your mind off the one person that’s currently missing from it. A long distance relationship doesn’t equal the end of the world. It is still turning, with somebody you love in another spot on it, but still there. 

 

You always have your phone with you, don’t you? Well, they probably do, too. Whenever you’re feeling down, you can shoot them a quick message, and it will be like they’re right there, in your pocket. A long distance relationship is a good opportunity to get creative. When somebody is not physically there, you can find fun ways to communicate with them still. 

 

Use different communication channels. Each one of them has something that is typical for it. For example, while Messenger or WhatsApp allow you to exchange text messages, Snapchat is good for sending quick pictures of funny things you see or the fancy meals you’ve prepared. It also lets you take short videos, if you’re excited about something and want to tell the other person all about it but they can’t pick up a call right now. TikTok and Instagram are good sources of funny content you can laugh over together, or random advice both of you might find helpful. 

 

We know that nothing beats good old face-to-face communication, and that technology cannot possibly replace someone else. But if the first option is not possible, and social media is all you have in your long distance relationship, then that is certainly better than nothing?

 

  1. Remember it’s difficult for them, too. 

 

The one piece of advice I purposefully saved until the end, but not because it’s the least important one. Quite the contrary, I wished for it to be the one that leaves the biggest impact and stays with you long after you finish reading this article. 

 

Expats know they cannot blame anyone else for their decisions (unless their moving is a result of a job relocation they can’t really say no to, maybe). They are well aware moving away is going to be difficult, both for them and for you. Believe us when we tell you they probably carry around enough guilt - no matter how much they enjoy their new country or the new job.

 

Moving countries, or even cities, can sometimes turn out to be harder than one expected. On top of maintaining a long distance relationship - multiple ones, given how they’ve left more than one person behind - they have to go through the stressful legal process of repatriation and learn to function in a brand-new habitat. They will really need your support, now more than ever. 


 

Those are the long distance relationship tips we wanted to share with you, but here’s the most important one: stay positive. The beginnings are always the hardest, but as unimaginable as it may seem now - you will get used to it. If both of you are determined to make your long distance relationship work, then you have nothing to be worried about. As a team consisting in 99% of expats, who know very well what being in a long distance relationship is like, we believe in you. 


 

Recommended Articles

The benefits of travel are countless. We all travel for different reasons, but we learn the same lessons. Find out the 14 things travel teaches you!

Sep 12, 2023 by
Lucyna

Living in Porto, Portugal, means to enjoy a life by the coast, with beautiful bridges, rich food, and surrounded by warm people. If all of this sounds exciting to you, read our ultimate expat guide!

Aug 26, 2022 by
Erika